The Performance Club


This article was written on 16 Oct 2012, and is filed under Claudia's Blog.

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Cops and unicorns will never see eye to eye

“Where is the winner?”

This was Marina Abramović’s question last night, at the Bessies, right after she and Ronald K. Brown (a rather astounding odd couple) had announced Silas Riener as the first awardee and while he was midway up the aisle. A simple question, no big deal. But … something about Abramović’s intonation was so, ummm, fabulously weirdo and ominous. As if she was operating in a whole other zone. As if maybe Riener was not in fact walking up to claim his plaque, but instead approaching a performance art induction ritual. Something involving sacrifice.

For a few, glorious seconds in award-show reality, anything seemed possible.

I remembered Bill Simmons’ Tyson Zone:

I think Ron Artest has entered rarified [sic] air now. He’s officially a person who, if a friend said, “Did you hear that (fill in celebrity’s name) just (fill in the insane behavior: urinated on a police officer, began breeding unicorns, etc.)?”, I would have no problem believing it was true. I think this space is occupied by Mike Tyson, Michael Jackson, Courtney Love, and the late, great ODB. Can you think of any others?
– Brendan Quinn, Philadelphia, PA

SG: First of all, fantastic theory. I think we should call this “The Tyson Zone.” Others who qualify: Dennis Rodman; Omarosa; R. Kelly; Landon from “The Real World”; Najeh Davenport; Suge Knight; Flava Flav; Brigette Nielsen; anyone in G Unit; Billy Joel; Andy Dick; Lindsay Lohan’s Dad; Anna Nicole Smith; Margot Kidder; Tara Reid; Lil John; Gary Busey; Ricky Williams; any pregnant female; the late Bison Dele; Liza Minnelli; Paris Hilton; and Henry Winkler.

The Abramović Zone. No way this lady isn’t breeding unicorns. Perhaps, if we are very lucky, ones specially trained to urinate (in the name of durational art) on misbehaving police officers.

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